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| well im off to china on tues morning. packing has been a bitch. its a bitch. bitch bitch BITCH. i've been so stressed out because of my lack of sleep. [i have no mattress, and my roommates are like high and overly horny]. i don't think i need to explain myself further. and i hold within my hand my family assets, and i also need to balance my grandfather's plans as well as my own plans for college. how shitty. im honestly overwhelmed with all the criteria that need to be met in such short a time. like 1 day. i need a life too, im only a teenager, not a full time assests manager. i want a life, bad. i had something like one a couple weeks ago, but then, i also had a bad ear infection. oi. my problem is that i have to handle my familys' problems before my own. and i don't have many right now, but they have a lot. i seriously hate dealing with my laissez faire parents and my grandpa who automatically puts his priorities ahead of everyone elses. as well as seeming to boss me around when im the one who knows how to work the system. there are so many issues right now and im running out of creativity to deal with them. so yea, i'm a little stressed. i'm a little tired. but in the end, im going to china to get my fob on. hell yea.
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| ugh. i hate fake friends. disgusting. when theyre planning something fun, and they know u like it, but they don't invite u. it could be actually forgetfulness, but now wheres the excuse when u hang out so much. ugh. i hate it! poor people skills. the relationship maginalized. no matter what u call it, its a defect stemming fron insensitivity. outrage to all the people who forget their bonds, and live self centered lives devoid of meaning! especially at this time, where we create bonds outside our family, friends become increasingly important.
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| ok. my wierd alienation from everyone has ended. im tired of purposely avoiding unpleasant figures in my life. e.g. the deletion of myspace and the old xanga. this new xanga will reflect upon my character completely, and not just a facet of my external world. frankly, i have dug myself deep creating my own artificial universe. so this is true, and my undecorated thoughts on life.
u'll have to forgive the plain format, i'll change it once i get into the blogging again.
a whole lot of blank has been in my life this summer. i feel guilty that im not doing something constructive with the time i spend with my friends. i need a new inspiration, something to kickstart me, an interest to get me burning again. all i am now is a decadent fool.
and ive been getting cases of vertigo lately. i guess its from the constant swimming in the apartment pool, but its starting to become frustrating. its so easy for me to lose my balance, and i prided myself on my stability. haha
well summer in china is coming up. i should be happy im seeing my parents again. and i am, its just the hot weather which is looming closer and closer. i cant even function when it gets hot in fremont, but i suppose fremont is abnormal.
for my next entry, i'll starting delving into my relationships, and constructing or deconstructing some structure in my life.
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